Yes, you are right, this is a very frequent situation that I see in my clinic and have had success in healing and ameliorating problems or imbalances associated with it. I firmly believe you can heal from a loss, you simply need to shift your perspective via self-cultivation. Many if not most people believe they can never fully emotionally and spiritually heal after a loss such as death and they carry it with them and it does unnecessarily and unknowingly impact their lives greatly, very often negatively.
I understand this sentiment, yet it stems from a fundamental misconception. Firstly, if life is looked at in it's entirety from the macrocosm of the universe and mother nature to the microcosm of the internal universe of the human body, you will see that life consists of change. With loss the first thing that must be understood is that life is change. Change and death are the only things you can count on. The last change is the change of wardrobe at the moment of death from the cumbersome confines of the human body/mind to the invisible spiritual energy of the eternal soul. In America there is a stigma associated with death and dying and it is virtually taboo to discuss it. This is the underlying basis for our youth obsessed and age driven culture perpetuated by the media, multinational corporations and us the individual people, who buy into it.
This question is getting into the Shen (spiritual) level. Most people believe they are this separate individual being consisting of a body/mind that is confined in space and time. That is the great fundamental misconception about life (that we are the body/ mind). We believe and mistake ourselves to be a separate, finite being consisting of only physical matter that lasts 100 yrs at most. This creates a fundamental fear and insecurity in people which our culture plays off of generously with its media, marketing and advertising.
In truth we are Spirit. We are spiritual beings having human experiences not human beings occasionally having spiritual experiences. We are not our bodies, not our minds/personalities/ego's, not our thoughts, feelings, information, experiences or emotions. We are none of them. As the ancient sages in India used to say Neti, Neti: Not this, Not this. They are simply tools used by the eternal soul to learn, evolve and grow.
In TRUTH we are an invisible eternal spiritual energy that is housed within the body/mind, in what the Daoists called the Taiji pole, similar to a person driving a car. When a person drives a car they don't mistake their identity for being that of a car, but due to life's stresses and our cultural upbringing we mis-identify and believe ourselves to be a body with a personality ie. false self or ego instead of spirit which is driving the body/mind. Again this disconnect usually occurs in childhood between the ages of 5-9, by the age of 12 the acquired personality/ego has taken root. Up until then a child understands the world primarily through spiritual intuition, innocence, energetic sensitivity, a spontaneous openness and exuberance for life. This spiritual disconnect of our children perpetuated by our materialistic culture is the main reason a childhood stress management curriculum needs to be implemented alongside the academic curriculum. If our children never lose their connection to Source/God/Christ/ Dao/Buddha/Allah etc.. in one generation we would have a global shift and uplift of consciousness about life and death.
You cannot have life without death, they are inseparable, yin and yang. Death needs to be discussed openly in our society. The stigma and taboo associated with its discussion in the public forum needs to be radically changed. If our attitude and awareness about death changed then our lives would change. The destruction and degradation of the Earth by the hands of man can only be explained by a fear of death. If we simply saw death as the transition, change and transformation of matter into energy that it is, then we could develop a culture and society integrated with the cyclical changes of nature like the ancients and thus live in harmony with the Earth and not opposed, disconnected, separated and segregated from the natural order of life like we currently are.
Death is the one thing we are ALL going to face. No one escapes it. In essence birth is a death sentence and we all have a terminal disease. Most are petrified of contemplating their own death. Many feel if they think or talk about it they are bringing death and negativity upon themselves or others. As if simply talking about death is a curse. The only way to truly live life is to come to terms with death..to learn how face it, to embrace it and not fear it otherwise whether you know it or not your life is being dictated by fear. When done properly and you contemplate and meditate on your own death you come to such a deep and profound appreciation, gratitude and acceptance for you life, for being alive, for this very moment, to be able to breathe, look at the sky, animals and trees. You can come to terms with death while you are alive and healthy using death as a deep meditation tool to keep you centered, open, peaceful and rooted in the present moment. For if you examine your mind carefully you will see that your spirit only exists in the present, while the acquired ego/personality only exists in the past and future. If you lose your fear of death, what do you have to fear from life? You can do anything if you are not afraid of death. The Buddha has said " of all meditations the meditation on the moment of your death is greatest of all".
Everyone realizes they are that invisible eternal spiritual energy at death yet most have lived their lives in complete disregard of the spiritual principle and life force that creates, maintains and sustains them. I see it so often when I give medical qigong and reiki to terminally ill patients and their families. My real job and sole intention is to connect the person to that invisible eternal spiritual energy residing within the center core of the body in what the Chinese call the Taiji pole or the River of god so that they can re-awaken their true nature (Wu Jing Shen/enlightenment/Christ consciousness) and fulfill their destiny.The way people heal from loss in whatever form whether it be death, divorce, break-up, job loss etc... is for them to begin self-cultivation and the rooting out of the negative acquired habitual tendencies, behaviors, desires, attachments and aversions from their body/mind and reconnecting with the subtle invisible spiritual core of their being (Taiji pole.)
Life is love manifest
You are not the emotions, thoughts and feelings
of the body and mind
confined in space and time.
You are the Divine.
The eternal invisible subtle
spiritual energy of the formless oneness.
Discussion to be continued...
Interview part 1
Interview part 2
Thank you very much for your thoughtful and informative insights Darren.
We will be posting an addition to this interview in the near future. I had a follow up question for Darren, but turned out to be an entire subject in and into itself. We wanted to do it justice, so I will be posting it on it's own in the upcoming weeks.
If you have questions for Darren or wish to inquire about his teaching and Private Practice you can post via our "Comments" section of this blog post.
You can also email him at: Bodhichitta8@hotmail.com You may also enjoy reading:Namaste- An Explanation of a Very Old Greeting ~ diane Follow us on FaceBook